


They say it gets easier (it doesn´t)

by ThatOneGirlBehindYou



Series: Daemons AU [2]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:06:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/pseuds/ThatOneGirlBehindYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "As My Soul Loved You", centers on the Victory Tour and the Quarter Quell.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Katniss really hates Peeta´s daemon. Or that´s what she wants to think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They say it gets easier (it doesn´t)

**Author's Note:**

> The Hunger Games saga belongs to Suzanne Collins, and His Dark Materials belongs to Phillip Pullman.
> 
> Daemons´ names and forms are listed in the series summary.

She notices from the start how nothing will ever be the same anymore.  
She doesn´t particularly understand, but she´s afraid of surveying the damage. Maybe she´s not a wolf after all.

\--

It starts with Gale.

It happens at the forest, and there´s something poetic about that. No more cameras, no more pretending , he hugs her. Not the way he was forced to do at the station. Not even like he did when they said their goodbyes before her Games. It´s at the same time so similar and so different from the way it used to be that it makes her momentarily off-balance.  
He holds her to his chest and buries his face in her hair. She feels her heart fluttering, and looks sideways to check on Lykaios, wondering how he´s faring after how upset he´d been when parting with Bendis all those weeks ago.

What she sees freezes her.

Gale´s jaguar daemon squirms against Katniss´, purring and mewling like a kitten. The wolf daemon stands stiff on his spot, his tail tucked between his legs, and his ears flattened against his skull. His eyes lock with hers, and the sadness in them is so intense Katniss wonders why she hasn´t felt it through their bond.  
Gale shifts against her, and she urges him with a look.

When Gale looks, Lykaios rubs his face against the scruff at Bendis´ neck. He smiles, and she smiles back. How she missed that smile, she realizes. 

Her soul is just confused.

\--

Everything´s fun and games for a while.  
They move into Katniss´ new house. Prim eats well and looks healthy, and Valerian´s tail feathers look a bit pink again. She should know it´s too good to last.

\--

She knows something´s wrong from the moment she sees Valerian perched on an open window, waiting for them. Her mother is never a few steps far from her daemon, but as soon as they´re close enough, he closes the distance and nuzzles Lykaios. No one would think more of it, a mother greeting her daughter. But Katniss knows better.  
 _`He´s here`_ Lykaios mutters though their bond, and they walk in tense and ready.

"I think this would be a lot easier if we promise not to lie to each other." Are the words that bring her back to her shaking, crumbling world. He makes her sit. It´s his house, after all. His daemon drapes herself across the back of her chair and she fights back a shiver, remembering how she´d looked at her during the coronation ceremony.  
When her mother sets the tea tray between them she pales, and Valerian flaps his wings uselessly at her side, but they can´t do a thing. Once again, she´s on her own.

"Have you met my daemon, miss Everdeen?" Snow asks as he pours the tea.

"I don´t believe I have, sir." Katniss answers.

"Well how rude of us. After all, I´m a true believer that there´s little more you can do to know a person apart from understanding their daemon." He says, smiling in that way of his that doesn´t reach his eyes. "Come here, dear." He orders, and Katniss has a spare second to panic because she knows what´s going to happen. At her side, Lykaios whines and the snake daemon chuckles once before sliding down her shoulder and her chest. She does it slowly, deliberately, as if to let her feel how much hatred and rage this soul has in storage for her. She holds the scream that rises through her throat and looks up to Snow when the daemon finally lets go of her. The man is still and calm, watching her with a contented expression. She fears the monster, but she stands strong. She´s a wolf.

"She is a Blue Kraith. Are you familiar with those?"

"No, sir."

He nods. "You see, these snakes are magnificent beings... They´re not particularly aggressive, but they are very territorial. Not that it´s common to see them strike, of course, nocturnal as they are." He explains, caressing the daemon´s spear-shaped head. "Formidable hunters, these ones. They usually hunt their own species. Their venom is lethal half of the times, even with an antidote, but even those who survive never fully recover."

Katniss nods. This she was expecting.

"And..." Snow lifts a finger, as if to stay her in place. "Her name is Authentea. The ruler that holds to no law, because she is the law. So you will see, we´re quite... Fitted for the job. What can you tell me about your daemon, miss Everdeen?"

She tries not to tremble, to look strong and brave. "His name is Lykaios and he´s a wolf." She blurts out hurriedly.  
Snow laughs, and the scent of blood in the room intensifies.

"I expected as much. The wolf, miss Everdeen, is a symbol of power. But not on its own. The lone wolf dies. You need your pack, dear. You should remember that."

\--

The first stop on the tour is tense, even since the train ride.  
She doesn´t mean to snap at Effie, for real. But she´s tired and edgy and before she can even think Lykaios is snapping a bite an inch away from her Khaya´s face.  
When Peeta gets her to apologize, the bird daemon puffs his orange-dyed feathers and takes a revengeful peck at Lykaios´ ear.

Then they get to their destination and hell breaks loose.

It´s all good at first. They don´t speak much, and let Peeta and Cassia work their magic. But as she receives the flowers, Lykaios tugs at her jacked, and she´s looking straight at one of Rue´s sisters. She notices her daemon is in the same form Aulos died in.

She ruins it.

\--

Her head rests on Peeta´s arm, and moonlight reaches through the train´s windows. He just fell asleep, and she just woke up. At their side, Lykaios starts stirring in his sleep and Cassia´s sharp eyes are beginning to lose focus. Her little hand clings to a lock of the wolf daemon´s fur as if she couldn´t help it. 

She´s destroying them.

This time it´s her who stares into the daemon´s eyes. "I´m sorry."

Cassia leans against Lykaios´ drowsy form.

"So am I."

\--

The wedding announcement is laughable, and the party´s frankly ridiculous.

Effie´s daemon is normal compared to the abominations they pass. Tattooed hides, plated claws, dyed fur... She wonders what´s wrong with these people, if they´re willing to mutilate their souls in such a way and feel proud of it.

Plutarch´s shepherd dog daemon´s got heavy rings on her perky ears, and when she gives Lykaios a toothy grin, Katniss gets a glimpse at the jewels incrusted in her fangs. They´re probably worth more than her old house in the Seam.

Disgusting.

\--

Things don´t go as planned when she tells Gale her plan.

"I love you."

"I know."

And she loses him.

\--

Lykaios has never attacked another daemon, not even in the Games, where she did all the killing, but he does then.

He knocks Thread´s badger daemon on her back, and he´s at her throat when Promethea wraps herself around his legs and makes him trip. Cassia stands before him, and the badger daemon snarls on her spot, faced by the other three, until her human is dealt with.  
No one says a word as they untie Gale and load him on the plank, but Lykaios snaps his jaws at anyone that tries to help him and drags Bendis to the house all by himself.  
Her mother snaps into action as soon as they close the door, but everything´s too slow for Katniss.

Hazelle and her bear daemon Bran stomp in at some point, and she relaxes a bit, because Hazelle is not her mother. Hazelle won´t let anything happen to Gale.  
After they drag her out, it´s all a dizzying rush. Madge and the morphline, her reflections, and her realization. She tip-toes back into the kitchen with Lykaions reluctantly folowing her steps. 

\--

Gale has just dozed off again after she kissed him. She feels awful. Incomplete.

"Why can´t you love him?" She whispers, ignoring the emptiness is not coming from her daemon. Lykaios nudges Bendis one more time, before coming to her side. "What´s so wrong with him?"

He lowers his ears, saddened. Katniss remembers how he wailed when they bid their farewells to Gale and his daemon before the Games. She understands now. But it´s too late.

"Why?" She insists.

"I do love them. But they´re fire." He answers at last. "Just like us."

"What´s wrong with fire?"

"Nothing. But too much fire is just destruction, Katniss." He licks her hand. "I´m sorry. At any rate, it´s the least of our concerns."

He´s right, as always.

\--

They debate long and hard on whether they should watch Haymitch´s Games or not, but in the end their daemons convince them.

"You should know, if he´s to keep you alive." Cassia suggests, always the voice of reason, but it´s Lykaios who sends them over the top.

"Promethea has no venom at all, did you know that?" He comments casually, and they freeze in their argument.

Snakes are dangerous daemons. They mean the person is lethal. Cold-blooded. A born killer.  
Someone with a poison-less snake for a daemon is dangerous, but not like one would usually think.

Not what meets the eye.

In goes the tape.

\--

She thinks she´s well past caring at this point, now she´s already decided to trade his life for Peeta´s, but her resolve crumbles when he falls to the ground after hitting the force shield, and Cassia´s fur lets out tiny clouds of golden dust. She shoots forward, but Finnick knocks her back and she loses it. She´s just about to bounce forward when Mags stands into her path. She pins her down with a stare, and Katnis is forced to look at the scene again.

Finnick breaths air into Peeta´s lungs, and his otter daemon is curled all over Cassia, as if holding her crumbling form together. Peeta lives, and she breaks down. Realizing it´s not only Lykaios´ fear rushing through her only makes it worse. 

And then she feels it.

It´s a familiar sensation, and yet so different... At first there´s a flick of electricity and heat. And then desperation, fear, and a love that´s so vast and plain she´s simply overwhelmed. She looks down to where Cassia´s slim hand rests on her knee.

Their eyes cross, and in a single, thoughtless movement, she seizes her up and presses her to her chest.

They hold each other until Katniss´ eyes run dry of tears and they´re both themselves again.

\--

Mags´ daemon is a crow.

When she walks back into the fog, he stays with them, perched on Helmi´s back, caressing her with his wings.

When the canon booms he dissolves into a rain of fine golden dust that covers Helmi from head to tail.

\--

She´s had so few chances to play and laugh in her life that those moment of teasing Finnick, and scaring Peeta together, the moment in which they become friends -even though she didn´t accept it until much later- is forever engraved in her mind.

\--

She doesn´t notice what Johanna´s daemon is until she finds them in the Arena, and she can´t help but to mentally slap herself for not thinking of it sooner. She´d always thought he as some weird kind of dog. Ironically, she thinks, so did all the other competitors from Johanna´s Games, and that´s what killed them. They should have known.

When she speaks up for Wiress, Johanna slaps her so hard she can almost hear Gale´s laughter, but that´s not what surprises her.

Her furball of a daemon spurts claws and foaming fangs from nowhere and he´s got Lykaios on his back before the wolf daemon can even register what´s happening. He manages to push him off by the time Finnick´s got a hold of Johanna and is heading for the beach.

"What the hell was that?!" she asks Peeta, between scared and furious, but the guy just shrugs. Lykaios shakes the shame away in time to answer himself.

"A wolverine." He grunts. "And next time you piss her off, keep the beating to yourself."

\--

Katniss has seen her share of dying people. Still, she thinks it might be getting out of hand.  
Wiress bat daemon lets out a high pitched screech. Of course, she´s been doing that ever since they got to the Cornucopia and they´ve all found a way to ignore the incessant tick-tock and the screeching, so they let it slip. 

That is, until the silence stretches on too long, and they turn to see Gloss drop Wiress on the sand. As the arrow embeds itself in Gloss´ skull, Lykaios rips out his lioness daemon´s throat.

She´s starting to get tired.

\--

The way Beetee´s daemon´s eyes keep drifting back to them as he explains his plan gives her a bad feeling. She´s normally harder to read, like most insect daemons, but the way she´s openly staring leaves no space for doubts. Their allies are going to betray them.

\--

They´re ready. Lykaios has warned Peeta and Cassia, and they have a backup plan.

They don´t even flinch when they send her away with Johanna, as it was only logical but when they´re running down for the beach, Lykaios prances swiftly besides her daemon, ready to pounce at a moment's notice...

Which proves useless when the wolverine daemon pounces first against Lykaios´ longer legs, knocking him down but not biting, only holding his jaws closed with his claws as if he wanted to shatter his muzzle.  
Johanna is over her, and the pain on her arm is excruciating. She rubs blood all over her face and instructs her to stay down before leaving, and Lykaios drags himself to her side.

"Do what she said." He whispers, curls into a ball and begins heaving as though he´s short of breath.

Steps. Heavy steps.

Brutus´ blurry form announces her oncoming death to Enobaria, and his massive bear daemon shoves Lykaios. The wolf daemon has enough sense to whine lay limp on his side, panting even more.

They leave.

"What was all that about?!" She demands, climbing to her feet as fast as she can. Lykaios does the same, but he holds his left front leg up.

"We have to find Peeta." It´s all he says, and she obeys because he´s right. Whatever happens, they have to find Peeta.

They cross Finnick and Helmi on their way, but hide from them. Katniss doesn´t trust him anymore and if Lykaios knows any better, he´s keeping it to himself. When they reach Beetee and the tree, her daemon tries to explain.

"It´s not what you think-"

"I hear them." She cuts him, and dives into the shadow. Finnick. Enobaria. Her heart leaps in some semblance of joy because maybe, just maybe she can help Peeta win this.

"Katniss-" Lykaios sounds desperate. "Katniss who´s the enemy? Think!" He snarls, trying to push her hand off the bow with his uninjured paw. She looks into his eyes and she sees Prim and Gale and her mother and District 12, and _she knows_.

She ties the wire around the arrow, and shoots the force field just as the lightning bolt strikes the tree. The shock wave is expected, but it´s intensity knocks her down. She grips her daemon´s scruff and when she sees the lonely star in the darkened sky, he gives her hand a weak lick.

\--

They wake up to pain, and they should think something about that, but they´ve really grown used to it.

The lies are served to them along with the soup, and they all look expectantly at her. They want her to swallow them. To look down and stand up as the pawn they tried to make her into. Promethea hides her face into the collar of Haymitch´s shirt, but that´s the only hint he lets out, and Katniss won´t believe it.

He´s not ashamed. He doesn´t care. He just let her think he did.

\--

They don´t understand, that much is clear.

She wants Peeta, and they give her drugs.  
She wants Peeta, and they give her strangers.  
She wants Peeta, and they give her Gale.

And this time Gale brings no comfort, even when he tries, for her sake. Bendis remains out of sight, standing watch at the door like a stony sentinel and only moves when he gives her the news, sending a curious glance her way, like wanting to see how it´ll affect her.

\--

She doesn´t react right then, but later, long after he´s left, she sheds a tear, unmoving in her bed. Lykaios smells the salt, feels her sadness, and climbs to her side. She cuddles against his fur in a way she hasn´t since she was a girl, frightened and unsure and unwilling to give up.

Now she feels the weight of the world over her chest and it crushes her down. Her younger self had hope. She has burned her reserves and the only thing left is a longing for that one thing she couldn´t save, that one favor she could not repay.

"It´s over." She whispers, her voice broken and her tears losing themselves in her daemon´s fur before they get a chance to run down her face. "It´s all over now."

"It is." Lykaios whispers quietly, and she doesn´t know whether he´s referring to the games or their lives. He´s wrong either way. They´ve never been that lucky.


End file.
